Acting, as a profession, isn't generally bad for your health. The late nights spent drinking, smoking, and carousing can occasionally have restorative powers.
Auditions can wear on a fella.
My most recent audition was especially draining.
A popular gum company is creating an ad campaign for their new mint. During the course of my audition I ate several of these mints, the routine being:
Shake mint into hand.
Pop mint into mouth.
Deep breath in (with sound).
Look right and say, "Hmmmmmmmm!".
Look left and say, "Refreshing!!"
About 12 mints or so into my "performance" the adjudicator stopped me to say:
A- "Oooh! The Brand X guys told us to tell the actors not to eat too many of the mints. . .they, uh, cause, uh, may cause diarrhea. So you likely shouldn't eat any more."
I can confirm, for the sake of posterity, that by the time he had voiced the concern of Brand X, it was already too late.
One would think that an overdose of diarrhetic mints would have a pleasant, refreshing sensation on the posterior, coupled with a minty freshness in the bowl.
One would be wrong.
My Toilet Duck resigned, and I think that the resident Mr. Clean will spawn retarded children.
This is my Agent Orange fiasco.