Saturday, May 15, 2004

Judge an audio book by its sound, not its cover.

Today I went to see Supersize Me!.
I stepped into the popcorn line behind a woman who has aged fairly well over her 60-some-odd years and began to daydream about whether or not the documentary was going to live up to its hype.
During my introspection I felt eyes staring at me, and realised that it was the well-kept aged woman before me in line.

A- "You have an absolutely beautiful face!"
B- (I was taken aback)"Well, thank you! I have a twin brother, so there's plenty of this face to go around!"
A- "Beautiful and amusing!"
B- "Ha ha ha!"

To be honest, I wasn't surprised that she found me handsome. I have, since I worked a bingo in my youth, been very popular with her demographic. In fact, my wit and sex appeal have very strong showings with woman aged 58 straight through to 90! I think it stems from the fact that I have a face which looks very well in knitted sweaters. (a caveat--keep your widowed grandmother away from me if you want her chaste image to stay in tact)

She turned to get napkins, and the space between us was bisected by a middle-aged man going towards the ticket wicket.
As he passed, he broke wind with extraordinary vigor. It was shamelessly loud.

My sweetheart turned around in surprise, and there I was, grinning for the wrong reason. Her eyes said, "J'accuse!"; I tried, unsuccessfully, to get mine to say, "Mais non!".
Immediately I inherited the guilt meant to wrack the conscience of the braying ass who had dealt the deal-breaking overture; however, he had more pressing issues at hand, asking the ticket seller in a loud urgent tone for the washroom's whereabouts. . .apparently he was out of room in his pants.

She gave a polite smile, like you do on the subway to the parents of a child you've just observed picking their nose and eating it, and went off to find a seat in Theatre 3.

Had I been on the ball, I would have answered her gawk with, 'You're excused' followed by placing my hand over the top of my tea cup so as to suggest that it needed protection from contamination.

That, or given a surprised look and used a line my father has employed among friends and family--"Did anyone see that little elephant?"

No comments: