Look, I don't know what's happening to me, but today marks the second straight week of me arriving in the lobby of the Sandman Hotel Downtown Cowtown only to discover that:
I'm flying low;
My barn door is open;
The Buick is hanging out of the garage;
The cucumber has been tossed from the salad;
Mr. Wang! Now seating a party of one!;
Rain caused the worm to come up for air;
It's getting breezy;
I've had a wardrobe malfunction;
The pig's out of the pen;
The Rooster's flown the coop;
The elephant is cooling off in the trouser Savanna;
and finally, as a self-serving nod,
I've accidently revealed where Saddam has been hiding his Weapons of Mass Destruction.
I think that the guys at the front desk are getting suspicious. Each day I enter the lobby, mock surprise (because I'm not surprised after two weeks), and face a pillar to pull myself together. Once I did this at the END of my workday.
I must be losing my mind.
Please tell me Reagan didn't start his slide in the abyss by showing up at State dinners with Bonzo's banana falling out of the tree.
One time the Chinchilla was wearing his flannel pyjama pants to Loblaws and was, appropriately, standing at the meat counter when a fellow shopper caught his eye, nodded down and he noticed his, uh, member was peeking through the button up crotch. It was great.
I doubt that my little pink Conan would catch any shopper's eye. Certainly not in something baggy like flannel pants--maybe biking shorts?
I am bookmarking this post just in case I ever need a metaphor for having to describe my fly hanging open. In my case I wouldn't have any goods hanging out but who cares. I'm still so using these.
Also, I'd still like to believe not all Edmontonians are evil. Being how I'd like to be one of them one day. But your encouraging words are nonetheless appreciated. Blame Edmonton!
Oddly turned on and revulsed at the same time.
You cut me just then; you cut me deep.
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