Teenagers are pushing their luck heading out with a grocery bag on Halloween.
They are completely deluded if they think that dressing, to quote one hair-brained girl, "as myself" is going to make anyone who bought the candy (particularly one who bought the candy, then got dressed up in lederhosen to pass it out) eager to fork it over. There should be no reward for Halloween complacency.
Which is why last night while passing out candy AND barbecuing dinner, all done gracefully in lederhosen and knee socks, I chastised a brood a teenage boys who dressed as "themselves". One can afford such risks when renting their home, as the threat of getting the house egged is of little consequence.
But I didn't send them away empty-handed--heavens no!--I asked if they would each like a piece of barbecued asparagus instead of my candy bars. First they grumbled, eying the candy bowl, trying to figure out if i was just like the other gutless suburban weenies who had fattened up their grocery bags after saying, "Those aren't very creative costumes!" or "Aren't you a little old for Halloween?".
Asparagus or step off, bitches.
Then they each held out their hand and took a spear of asparagus. Shit, they even thanked me!
I felt like I had done something constructive with the problem they had presented by encouraging them to make the healthy choice, without being as cliched as passing out apples (which still suck as a Halloween favour).
My warm feeling ended when I realised they had each ate 22 cents worth of Peruvian asparagus.
I gave out candy last year (this year we were mean and turned off the porch light) and was repeatedly called names when chastising the kids who didn't dress up. Maybe next year I'll offer some cheaper sort of vegetables (you really went all out with the asparagus). Potatoes anyone?
My FIL said this year he got a group of teenagers who were so big and so old that he asked them what they wanted as their treat, candy or beer. :-)
There is a certain charm to the audacity of teenagers.
Maybe next year I'll pass out brussel sprouts and take Polaroids of the little wieners that don't dress up.
Post a Comment