Saturday, July 15, 2006

How to Fail at Dating.

I recently met someone of the opposite sex online.

I know--super-duper lame, but. . .

Over a casual drink, with no sparks flying, the subject of my failing marriage came up--fine--I'm happy to discuss it, for the sake of transparency.

However, sometimes one can be too transparent:

B- ". . .you know, truth be told, I'd still rather be happily married."
D- (silence)
B- "Uh, I know how that must sound."
D- (Uncomfortable silence)
B- "Shall I get the tab?"
D- "Yeah, I'm pretty tired."
B- "Yeah."

On a first (and last) date, there are only a few other statements which could bring the evening to a screeching halt:

B- ". . . Hitler had a few good ideas, though!"
B- "On my 2006 'To do' list is 'No more mind games--they hurt the ones you love'."
B- "Want to compare prior convictions? . . . You don't have any? Come on! Everyone has something!"
B- "Does anyone know that you're out with me tonight? No? I see. . . "
B- "I've always wanted to have a threesome--are you close with your mother?"

Having not dated in forever, I'm quickly discovering that I'm hopeless at it.
Oh--and under no circumstances should you wear a gold lamee unitard on a first date.

"Unitards do not show confidence or a sense of humour--they exhibit gross inadequacies. Now let's wrestle!"

No comments: